Nevertheless, forgiveness helps when handling anger (i.e., it is a cognitive and emotional process that eradicates chronic hostility, rumination, and their adverse effects).
To forgive other people means that you refuse to carry painful and debilitating grudges around with you for the rest of your life!
Grudges are thoughts and feelings of ill will and resentment held against another in light of real or imagined wrongs committed, or even because of the success of another.
It is imperative to be cognizant of your thoughts (i.e., grudges); they become words. Be aware of your words; they become deeds. Be mindful of your deeds; they become habits. And watch your habits; they become character.
When you forgive other people and let go of grudges, you are "refusing" to cling to the resentment of them having done you wrong. You are giving yourself some immediate relief from your own anger!
To forgive is essentially an act that we do on our own behalf. It has nothing to do with "lifting" the other person's sin! You aren't doing it for their sake, you were doing it for yourself. This is a conscious choice you are can make on your own terms in order to relieve your own pent-up emotions.
Below you'll find Four Proven Techniques for Managing Anger
- Identify the mistaken attitudes and convictions that predispose you to being excessively angry in the first place! Once these mistakes have been corrected, you will be less likely to fly off the handle than you were in the past.
- Identify factors from your childhood that prevent you from expressing your anger as appropriately as you otherwise might. These impediments to the effective and appropriate management of your anger toward others can be removed so that your suppressed anger will not compound itself inside of you as it has been doing for years.
- Learn the appropriate modes of expressing your "legitimate" anger at others so that you can begin to cope more effectively with anger provoking situations as they arrive in your personal relationships. When you are anxious or depressed, you are often experiencing the consequences of your suppressed anger. The problem is that you have suppressed your anger so deeply that you succeeded in concealing it from yourself! All you are left with is the residual evidence of it, your anxiety or your depression. When you are depressed, very often you are also angry at yourself without realizing it. Learning to appropriately manage your anger at yourself is the antidote to much of alcoholism, drug abuse and domestic violence. But the management of your anger does not end in learning these new and more appropriate ways to express it. There remains one last step.
- Bind up the wounds that may have been left by the potentially devastating emotional impact of anger. "Anger wounds" left in you against those who have wronged you. If you do not complete this mopping up step, you will cling to the resentment of having been done wrong and will carry the festering residue of your anger and rage in your heart forever. One of the most effective means of giving yourself immediate relief from anger in your personal relationships is to forgive others.